Oh you guys! I wish I had better stories to tell you as to why I've been MIA the past couple of days, but the truth is my wrist was in pain and I'm now wearing a funky brace that makes me look like a professional bowler,which isn't a bad thing.
I was going to tell you that I hurt my wrist in a arm wrestling match and then roll into great arm wrestling movies, but there aren't any. There's Over the Top and that's about it. Sorely disappointed, I decided to go with plan B..Giant animals, attacking our city. Yeah, that's it, I hurt it rescuing Portland from big furry animals (I'm not talking about hipsters with unkempt beards either-that's a whole other post)
I am a huge fan of bacon. I love it! So, when 1984's Razorback showed up on my doorstep, I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into it (Get it, bacon, sink my teeth into it.....hello?) Razorback features, you guessed it, a giant razorback who terrroizes the Australian outback. While you rarely get to see the piglet, you do get a nice Mad Max feel, so that's not so bad.
Everyone loves fuzzy bunnies, right? Well what about a hundreds of fuzzy bunnies that are giant blood sucking, farm eating beasts? Still think those little pink nose monsters are cute? Night of the Lepus is a heartwarming story about giant mutated rabbits. You heard me right, giant, mutated rabbits. I'm not gonna bore you with the storyline, because basically there isn't one. The only thing you really need to know about this is giant mutated rabbits. If you look closely, they change size from scene to scene throughout that movie - and not smaller to bigger either.
So, ever been on a hunting trip up in Canada and ran across a giant chicken? No? Well, you don't know what you are missing! Let me tell you! Food of the Gods is a hysterical romp through a remote land with giant wasps, rats and chickens. It is delightfully bad, even by my standards but it did have me asking the question, when the killer chicken ate the human, "Did it taste just like chicken?"
Some may call these campy movies, but I call them training films. Yep, everything I learned are from these movies. You might even say, my whole body is a weapon.
