Wednesday, August 18, 2010

My Interview

The following statements are based on a true story.

I went on an interview today. I could tell right off  that I was not meant for this position. The woman interviewing me, the building, everything was just not me. At first, I was fine with that, I mean, I could mold into any type of job as long as the money was right and the people were nice. This was not one of those deals. Here are some excerpts from that interview.

Interviewer: Tell me at little bit about yourself

Me: Well, I'm very organized. I know a lot of different software. I can do insurance billing.

Interviewer: :Let me stop you there. First off, if you get hired, you can't wear perfume.

Me: Okay, no problem.

Interviewer: Okay, so.. tell me who you are, what makes you tick.

Me: Well, I would like to leave that to the history books.

Interviewer: Excuse me?

Me: Yeah. I mean, I'm not completely defined yet. Plus, I'm sure when they find my corpse, the historians will have a field day with me and my life will be much more interesting than it already is. So, yeah, I'll leave it to the history books.

By now, the interviewer is looking perplexed. I'm pretty sure that it was because my perfume was sending toxic fumes to her.


Interviewer: Interesting...Let me put it to you this way. In 5 minutes define yourself


Me: 5 minutes? Lady! You want me to define 40 years in 5 minutes? I am much more than a 5 minute spill, but here it goes.  I am a woman but sometimes a little girl. I am a southern. I am liberal. I am conservative. I am a wife. I don't have children and don't want them. I am free. I am a survivor. I love my life but sometimes wonder what it would be like if I took a different turn. I am a friend, a sister. I lost my mother and constantly look for an older woman to guide me. I am creative and caring. I can carry a grudge. I love flashy things and if I was born a man, I'm sure I would be a fab drag queen-I'm betting that I am fab drag queen now. I have tattoos and I don't care what you think about that. I am tolerant to most but get angry when people hide behind their faith, art or political beliefs to promote hate. I weigh more than I should. I have great boobs. I have a gap in my teeth that makes me self conscious but not enough to stifle my laugh. I am smart and funny. I love candy. I have a loud laugh that you can hear from a mile away. I am from a small town and never thought I would miss it but I do. I love my husband more than life. I will defend anyone's right to speak, even if I don't agree with them. I want harmony between rural and urban cultures. I love Willie Nelson. I like to indulge in a beverage or two and have been known to dance on a table after a few cocktails. I will cry at commercials. I am usually pretty calm but get completely ticked off when some trust fund urban hippie ask me to define who I am in 5 minutes when there is not a time or a box that can hold me. *Stands up and starts humming the national anthem.


Interviewer: Umm....Mrs. Pedersen? You answer?

Me: Oh, sorry, I was thinking. Did I say that I was organized?

Interviewer: We'll be in touch.

Me: Yeah, you do that.


The moral of the story...don't let anyone put you in a box. You are more than  a 5 minute answer.

14 comments:

Stephanie
Multi-Tasking Mama
said...

You're my hero!

Giggly said...

I love that story! Thanks Pam. :D XOXOX

Becky said...

That's a perfect almost-response. I really hate that woman and I can just picture her.

Kyra said...

That's...well that's awesome. I have no other words for your awesomeness :D

<3

Denise said...

I hate interviews. I never know what to say to some of those questions that they ask. What I really dont like is when they ask all of those questions and dont really tell you anything about the job, ever been to one of those job interviews?

Melissa said...

*applause*

Love that last statement. :)

Becky said...

*standing ovation* while the Delta taus of Animal House march from the room humming the National Anthem!

Oh my Sister - you are wonderful! And all of those attributes that you listed.

Judith said...

I loved your post! I hate it when I go into an interview and they ask "touchy feely" questions.

Really, who is going to answer them truthfully, especailly to a stranger.

The best touchy feely question I was asked in an interview was - "If you could be any character in Winnie the Pooh which one would you be?".

Really? All I could think was how much time does this guy spend with his kids? And my next thought, please Lord let this guy have kids!

My answer was - "My favorite is Eyore, but I'd want to be Winnie because he's the one who gets to have all the adventures".

Which I'm sure was a clear picture into how effective I am in my job (it was an accounting position).

And I'm sure he thought it told him something about my hidden personality.

The question did tell me something about him, he was too touchy feely for me to work with. I regretfully declined the job.

I mean really - Winnie the Pooh as an interview question?

Trees said...

I hate it when they ask you those questions at interviews! I love your *almost* response - this is one of the best blog entries I've ever read.

Also - you'd have to be incredibly dull to explain "what makes you tick" in only five minutes!

Jamie said...

amazing!!!

kym said...

That was AMAZING...great post.

Troublet said...

Bwahahaha!

I LOVE YOU PAM! *snort giggle!*

giddy99 said...

I would hire you, if I had employees. :)

Staci said...

Love it!!! Glad I hopped over from MJF to get to know you better.