Monday, August 24, 2009

She's A Beast!

I'm not really sure what kind of crud is going around but man do I feel it! I feel like a BEAST! So in honor of me feeling like, and I'm sure looking like something that stepped out of a horror movie, I give you lady monster movies.. Oh yeah, don't expect these movies to make you feel any better- it's more of a "Dear Lord, at least I look better than that broad" kind of moment.

The first on the list is Daughter of Frankenstein. In this fine film we have Dr. Frankenstein's grandson making a monster that's part sumo wrestler, part smushed green pumpkin face, but 100% all woman.  The story is pretty much the same as any monster movie. Man creates monster, monster goes crazy, monster smashes, man dies. This is a grade "B" movie that is on par with anything Ed Wood ever did.

So you survived Daughter of Frankenstein and now it's time to move on to The She-Creature. I'm not 100% sure you can even get this movie in the US but it's still worth mentioning. The smoking hot assistant to a hypnotist has no idea that she is a descendant of a horrifying prehistoric female sea monster or "She-Creature". I'm suspecting that's not something they bring up when you are doing a search on ancestry. com. The evil hypnotist uses the She-Creature to do his bidding and go on a killing spree. Can you guess what happens next? That's right, monster goes crazy, monster smashes, man dies.

So your eyes have been beaten to a pulp and you want more?  How about Invasion of the Star Creatures? Not so much in scary department, more of the big chested space beauties, slow witted armymen department. Two bumbling soldiers are sent to investigate a crater. They encounter a scary plant like monster and two alien ladies who plan to take over the Earth. What do you think happens next? Well, monsters smash, but man doesn't die. Instead man discover to save the planet he must love up the aliens. I know, I was kind of hoping for these guys to die but love's okay too, I guess.

So I still have the creeping crud even after watching these three films. But I take solace in the fact that I can't possibly look as bad as these three ladies did. As a matter of fact, I hope no one ever looks as bad as these beasts. Yowza!

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